Being an entertainer all my life, I have been driving for many years all over this great country and have come to realize that drivers in certain states have distinct traits of their own that are individualistic to themselves. For example, everyone knows that in Florida people drive very slowly. That’s its own characteristic, while New Yorkers drive like they’re in a race.
It’s all a competition on the roads there. They may not always drive fast, but if you try to pass them, they speed up. It becomes a game. Pennsylvania drivers absolutely drive me crazy. I love the people there very much, but they don’t know how to drive. They move slowly and do not move. If you have three lanes, they spread out and everyone drives at the same speed, making traffic slow. Thank God I don’t have a gun in the truck, that’s all I can say. But let me write about what this article is really about… Driving in New Jersey!
OMG where do I start? New Jersey has the most highways and the most cars on those highways per square mile of any state in the union. I love this state, especially the Jersey Shore, and the people here are fantastic fun-loving citizens, but whoever built the roads here must be drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered… how about we shoot him? What a truly fucked up highway system. The Garden State Parkway is one of the most beautiful roads in the country, but if you drive north there may be an exit for a main road and if you drive south there may not be an exit for the same road. This means you must make an illegal turn on the Parkway or drive to the next exit, turn around, and come back. That could take you about half an hour more out of your way. Good planning guys!
The people of this magnificent state also love to play rubber neck. What that means, in case you’re not familiar with the term, is that motorists will slow down or even stop to watch something happening on the side of the road. This could be an accident, someone changing a tire, someone fishing off a bridge, people talking on the shoulder, deer feeding, or just someone urinating in the bushes. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. Suffice to say that everyone is so nosy.
By the way, if you’re in North Jersey, don’t count on the road signs. Either they’re missing entirely or the kids have turned them the wrong way, just to make their ride that little bit more nice!
Now let me just say that I really respect and appreciate the older generation and I really appreciate what they’ve done for our country and what they’ve sacrificed to give us our freedoms, but when it comes to driving most of them shouldn’t be anywhere near la la highway. I live in Toms River and there are a lot of older people out on the roads that shouldn’t be. You never know what they’re going to do out there and neither do they. They may be in the far left lane and suddenly decide to make a right turn at a shopping center. I suppose they at least keep the rest of us on our toes, but it’s already an obstacle course and we don’t need any more confusion. I think after a certain age everyone should retake a driving test to see if they qualify. After all, we are dealing with people’s lives and cars are potential weapons, especially in the wrong hands.
How about those fantastic jughandles? Who invented these brilliant abominations? You cannot turn left in this state. If you want to go to a certain business on the other side of the road you are on, you have to go to the traffic light and flip the lever and then wait for the traffic light to come on. Then you cross the road and go through another juggling and come to another traffic light. You are now on the right hand side of the street from the business you originally wanted to get to, but by the time you get there, it may be closed. Sometimes it takes about three or four traffic lights to get through them because the traffic gets so jammed going through these things that you better pack a lunch if you intend to make this trip.
Now comes the best of the best of Jersey Roads planning blunders… The Traffic Circles. What were they thinking when they came up with this? I’ve seen so many people panic when they get on these merry-go-rounds. No one seems to know who has the right of way on these things. Is it the people on the right who get into them or the people who already drive in them? The fun part is watching people trying to get out of these perpetual motion roundabouts! It is a virtual ‘Pin the tail on the donkey’ for motorists. People go around in these circles and then come out the other end dizzy and disoriented. In Massachusetts they call them Rotarians but they cause the same chaos. Whatever the name, they really should be called for what they are, ‘How the hell do I get out of this?’ I think if I had a roadside food stand I could charge money for this type of entertainment. It could be my next adventure.
Still, driving across the country can be fun and very scenic, but be aware of the pitfalls you may encounter. Remember, if you’re in New York, get ready for a contest, if you’re in Florida or Pennsylvania, I hope you’re not in a hurry because they It won’t be and if you’re in New Jersey be prepared for the ride of your life. Oh yeah, and if you are in Connecticut, be prepared for construction delays. The highways of that state have been under construction for more than 30 years and the end does not seem to be in sight. Whichever company has that contract, has maximum job security.
Good luck in your travels, excursions and frustrations on the roads of the United States, especially in New Jersey.