The need to increase survival rates among caregivers over the age of sixty-five caring for loved ones with dementia and Alzheimer’s is urgent. Because? A significant number die before being finalized affectionate.
Symptoms of stress or caregiver burnout
- Patience shortened, anger lengthened.
- Inability to sleep.
- caregiver dementia
- Drink and/or smoke more or self-medicate.
- Denying that there is something wrong with a loved one.
- Deny the need for help.
- Hopelessness, continual depression.
- Eating bad.
The average length of time a caregiver cares for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is six and a half years. That’s 2,373 days. It’s hard to hold onto hope that things will get better when you’re faced with an uncertain time frame.
Remember those stress surveys from the late 1970s and early 1980s? I remember a condensed list of 25 stressful life events. We are instructed to place a check mark on each event that has occurred to us in the past year. Among the 25 events were the following.
- death of a loved one
- Marriage Separation or Divorce
- financial difficulties
- Loss of work
- geographic relocation
- family conflict
- illness in the family
Back then, when life was more stable (even during those double-digit inflationary years), the assessment tool told us that checking more than two items meant we were under high levels of stress and should seek help. You can imagine? Today, we could easily score five or ten! The difference surely paints a picture of living with increased stress, today.
Examples of Caregiver Stress
Below are some examples of caregiver stress and burnout.
Lack of sleep
While my father lived in our California home, we would stay up nights because he would get disoriented between day and night and wander. He would rattle our bedroom doorknob, which we were advised to lock most nights to catch up on lost sleep.
Overwhelmed with worries, he lay awake most nights. There was so much to do that I was afraid I wouldn’t remember it all. (I had a calendar and wrote down a lot of to-dos, but when an idea sparked in the middle of the night, I didn’t want to forget it!)
LOST PATIENCE LEADING TO ANGER
My father went through stubborn phases. With my husband David helping me, we had an outlet for each other. We were able to moderate our anger, but when we got so tired that we couldn’t, we did things that turned out to be fun.
One afternoon, after my father threw a tantrum and demanded that David show him his room, I followed them down the hall when I felt the urge to strangle my father. I called “David” so my deaf father couldn’t hear. When my husband turned to look he started laughing seeing my fingers around my father’s neck. Confused by David’s laughter, my father stopped to look, then looked back at me. Feigning innocence, my guilt-ridden smile confused my father, who looked at David with a laugh. Then he started to smile. Surprised by his sudden change of emotions, I also started laughing until we all laughed!
I do not recommend hurting your loved one. I put my hands loosely around my father’s neck to see what David’s reaction might be. The laughter that followed deflected a stressful moment, giving us a constructive outlet to redirect the mounting frustrations. But what if I was the sole caregiver and didn’t have a support partner like David? It’s easy to see how a caregiver can become exhausted and impatient and even angry.
EATING BAD
Like us, most caregivers don’t take care of themselves the way they should.
David and I made sure to sit with my father and eat well-prepared balanced meals as we were concerned about his nutrition. Isn’t this sad? We care more for others than for ourselves.
After my father was placed, we went back to our old ways of one meal a day. This was not an ideal arrangement to maintain our strength as caretakers. Despite not having the responsibility of taking care of my father 24 hours a day, we still felt tied to him.
CAREGIVER DEMENTIA
Just as people with Alzheimer’s suffer from memory loss, become disoriented and even hallucinate, so do we! The label, caregiver dementiais used to describe Alzheimer’s-like symptoms experienced by caregivers.
David began to hallucinate. David wrote me letters while I was away. They were terrifying as he detailed the night he felt pinned under the covers and people taking things from him (a common complaint from people with dementia). I wasn’t immune either. I backed into the garage door three times, destroyed two power antennas, and required a rear repair and new garage door.
Although it is normal for caregivers to experience stress and exhaustion, no have to suffer
Every day we were more and more exhausted and we realized that something had to be done for the safety of my father and ours. David and I started showing signs of Alzheimer’s trying to keep up with my father!
Fortunately, we explored our options. After considering home care (I worked out of our small house and needed quiet focus time), food and care (uninsured and my wandering dad could go out and not come back), assisted living (at least 50 miles away on that time), and nursing care, we decided on the latter: a secure facility that would care for my father 24/7.
Consider this: What good will it do you as a caregiver for your loved one if your stress and exhaustion are so severe that you won’t be here for long?