A colleague recently asked me to write an article in response to her question, and since I like to think about everything related to relationships, here are some ideas that might help you discover the effect of your reading in bed.
I have structured this article into questions, some of which will apply to you and some of which will not. Just check them out and see what’s in it for you!
1. What do I intend to read in bed?
Some people read in bed to relax, to disconnect from the activity of the day, to feel sleepy, because they have no other time during the day to read or because that is their favorite place to read. If there is any other reason for you, let me know in a comment. I’m interested.
How does your intention interfere with your sex life at all? Is it a sacred moment for you that you don’t want to interrupt? Does your partner read next to you and share with everyone what you read about? Are you happy to put your book aside if your partner snuggles next to you? Are you really clear in your relationship about the signals that were sent about whether or not you feel like having sex?
2. What is the message I am sending by reading in bed?
Based on your reason for reading in bed (question 1), you may have communicated to your partner, verbally or non-verbally, what reading in bed means to you.
Does it mean to your partner that when you’re reading a book it means ‘don’t bother me now’ or ‘I’m just waiting to fall asleep’? What agreements do you have between the two of you about the times and places to instigate lovemaking? Does this interfere with reading a book? Is reading a book an avoidance strategy for you?
3. Am I reading a book in bed if I feel like intimacy, romance, and sex?
In couples, it is normal to have a “low desire” and a “high desire” partner. This simply means that, in comparison, one of you has a higher sex drive than the other. Often times, it is this partner with a higher sex drive who is instigating the most intimate connections in your sex life.
Are you reading too, when you’re already in the mood for intimacy, romance, and sex? What signals do you send when you want your partner to be intimate with you? Do you generally wait for them to instigate or is it usually you?
These are just a few questions to help you see the effect that reading in bed has on you and your partner’s sex life. There is so much more to reading the book, what happens underneath, that influences your sex life.
If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to hear your feedback!