Since love affairs most often occur at work (with coworkers), it is no wonder that you receive many emails from wives who are concerned that their husband is attracted to a coworker. This is a very frustrating situation because you have to send your husband to work every day, knowing that he will not only see you, but will work closely with her for probably eight hours (or more). And you cannot be there. to provide a reminder of your marriage or to see what is going on. But even though you can’t be there physically, you can be there emotionally. You can ensure that your husband is so attached to you that he will not act on this supposed attraction. I will discuss this further in the next article.
You are right to be concerned: First, statistics show us that the vast majority of love affairs occur with someone at work. That’s where your husband spends most of his days and most of us spend as much (or more) time at work as we do at home. And coworkers often don’t pick up their dirty socks or ask you to take out the trash, so this can be appealing to a guy who has a lot of pressure at home.
What he does have going for him is that he is aware of the problem. I get so many emails from women who never saw this coming, who were completely shocked, and are now trying to catch up. So as difficult and painful as this may be, know that you are somewhat ahead of the game. You have this knowledge before something actually happens and that is powerful.
Work with your husband to set boundaries with this coworker at work: It is not completely unreasonable to approach your husband and tell him that this attraction to the other woman makes him uncomfortable and worried. However, you have to be careful how you approach it. You don’t want to sound needy, clingy, angry, or accusing. You want to emphasize that you trust him but you don’t trust her, so you don’t want her to get into an awkward situation when it can be avoided. Work with him to limit your contact with her, transfer him to another department or project, or set limits. Again, you don’t want to come off as accusatory or that you don’t trust your marriage, his love for you, or his ability to handle himself. Simply emphasize that you are asking him to do this for his own peace of mind, and remind him that if the roles are reversed, he would ask (and receive) this from you.
Focus on yourself, your marriage, and your combined happiness instead of it: Once you have had this successful conversation and your husband has done what he asked, casually look for any warning signs, but otherwise let it go. If he doesn’t give you any reason to be suspicious, give him the benefit of the doubt, but be proactive so that your marriage is happy and fulfilling. You want to focus at home, not at work. And you certainly don’t want to keep raising her and give her more power or more space in your husband’s mind than he deserves. Over time, and ultimately, you will want to place her well below your husband’s and your own radar.
The bottom line is that if your husband is happy at home and deeply attached to you, then he shouldn’t need to seek rewards (emotional or physical) at work. If you are satisfied and satisfied at home, you are much less likely to look elsewhere. Give him what he needs and maintain trust in yourself, your marriage, and your husband. Don’t scold or dwell on this because often if you keep thinking about her, what you’re saying will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to be careful here. It’s important that you get her commitment to setting boundaries, but once that’s done, focus on what you can control: making your marriage happy, and then leave her alone, confident that once she focuses on you and not on it, you don’t worry. Insecurity and complaints are not attractive. Trust and intimacy are.