Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It seeks to sow the seeds of doubt in the targeted individual. The goal of the gaslighter is to make the victim question her own perception, memory, and sanity.
Befriending and getting information from friends and family are ways the abuser gets information about how to undermine your mental health. If you have even a minor mental problem, it will be greatly exaggerated and discussed a lot.
Dominate or destroy is the basic premise of gaslighting. Usually, early childhood problems develop in the unbalanced mind of the bully. Anger and jealousy are often the root of the situation.
This is not a one-time or temporary situation. Often it continues indefinitely until a crisis sheds light on the situation. Concealment is a hallmark of this form of mental and emotional abuse. Isolation and emotional manipulation are also common tactics.
My sister has been undermining my life, my role in our family, and my spirit for decades. It doesn’t surprise me that the abuse of her has escalated beyond vicious gossip and backbiting. As she gained recruits to her cause of discarding me, her feeling of power increased. She needed to exercise that power as often and as fully as she could.
I avoided meeting someone in their world. It is not known how many versions of falsehoods have been repeated. His efforts to convince everyone that I am delusional and that my mother has total dementia were constant.
There is a term called ‘double doc’ing’. If two doctors think a person has dementia, a third (my older sister) might order care. The plan was to put my mother in a care facility against her will and be done with her. Her life was blocking the use of the family land.
She lived in fear and I joined her. As soon as I arrived and blocked off her residence at the Lexington Place care center, I became the target. Immediately, my state of mind and the way she carried me were in question.
We both feared the end. When mom passed away, I became an open target. The police were at my door with an eviction notice within days of her memorial. A judge gave me and 10 elderly rescue animals five days to evict.
Friends or dogs intervened and I had no choice but to plan a long camping trip at the lake. I literally tremble with fear. Gabapentin kept alcohol cravings at bay, but it got risky. After giving the mom eulogy, I started to shut down emotionally.
After the judge spoke, I left the courtroom. They were calling me about reduced costs but I barely had gas to get home. I got to our tiny trailer in the middle of the Piney Woods and collapsed. I needed to grieve my mother.
Soon, more policemen. I walked out with my new Texas license in hand. I shook hands with both officers and apologized. I told them that my sister Cindy was using them to harass me. Clearly, they expected to find me in an altered state. I told the paramedics who joined them that I was up for any test. There’s no need.
My sister is not done. Her anger runs through her soul. She has been soaked and festered over the years since she started around high school age. Shaking my mental health and emotional stability is the goal. Constantly reminding others of my perceived or actual weakness keeps the destructive energy alive.
No victim has to stay on paper. I was surprised to defend my state of mind on multiple occasions but no one found a serious flaw. Depression/anxiety problems are now a constant. One 10 mg. Lexapro has now turned into 8 drugs a day since I came to live near my family.
Gaslighting is serious abuse. It does more damage than it looks like. When a person’s core is attacked, survival instincts kick in. I no longer feel safe being alone in the room with my sister. You have often suggested that I may be violent. He would stab himself and throw the knife away and say I did it. It’s that advanced in my case.
“Stop sharing what’s going on on ‘social media’ or you’re going to get hurt,” he growled. Her husband chimed in: “And so will she.” I told him that I didn’t know that our people physically threatened each other. My advanced degenerative disc disease quickly reminded me how vulnerable I am to injury.
My situation went too far. I couldn’t leave my mother’s side and it was unbearable to bear it. Watching my mother fade away after burying my little sister caused me a complete breakdown. I had to be hospitalized. It was necessary.
I saw how one person could take my sensitive heart and caring nature and use it to try to crush me. I knew I would stay and take care of Mom, but I wanted the credit for being the doting daughter. When I arrived to find her living in filth, I almost called adult services.
Cleaning up that whole place was what was needed, but with my sister’s constant attacks, she was never at peace for any length of time. We did what we could and extended his life by a few years rescuing abused animals. That part of this journey sustained us both.
Today, I am learning that the elders in my family announced to me that I am delusional and ‘pill addicted’. There isn’t an ounce of truth, but dad, my loving aunt, and some nieces are worried. It irritates my soul to know that I caused concern. My sister revels in drama.
My feeling is that without divine intervention or a total collapse, my gaslighter will find the anger and energy to continue trying to reduce my value in the world indefinitely. It’s such a dark mess. Many do not recover. But I choose to stop being a victim.