Over the weekend, I received an email from a wife who told me that she had read several of my articles describing how to get your husband back, save your marriage, and avoid divorce. She agreed and was excited about several of the suggestions I offered, but she wanted me to explain them a bit more. She asked for a “kind of cheat sheet” outlining the specific steps a wife must take to win her husband back. So, in the next article, I will share with you the steps that I outlined for her.
Step number one to make your husband want you back: let the separation work for you and not against you:This is the biggest mistake I see women make. Once the husband actually leaves or the separation begins, then the wife understandably panics and begins to hold on even tighter. Now, the husband clearly wants a break right now. This does not mean that he will always feel this way. But, right now, he has asked for some time to process this situation and think. If you follow what you feel like doing and call, text, and get in front of him every chance you get, then you’ve already set it up so the two of you are on opposite sides. This is not where you want to be.
I really understand that it is 100% natural to want to know how and what you are doing. You wonder where their thoughts and feelings go and if they include you. Also, you worry that he’s going to meet someone else or decide that he’s better off without you. I know these things feel quite risky and immediate. I know you feel terribly vulnerable right now. I know these things because I was in the same situation. Because of this, I can tell you without a doubt that if you give in to these feelings and urges that are calling you to follow him (literally and figuratively), he is likely to resist and see you as something that is getting in the way of getting what he wants. that you have asked for.
I know you probably understand this intellectually, but you’re having a really hard time accepting it emotionally. If necessary, think of it like this. What is best for you is to act in a way that will make him see you in such a way that he wants to get back with you. Scarcity will contribute more to this than excess. Just promise yourself to take a break and do something else when you feel the need to contact him again. Let time and space work for you instead of becoming another obstacle between the two of you.
Step two to get it back: identify the perception problem you have and fix it a positive way:Many people will see this process without seeing the problem that they are actually facing and therefore need to overcome. I know there are multiple issues that may have led to this. You won’t be able to fix them all while you’re apart, nor should you try. In fact, trying to fix everything will probably hurt your cause rather than help it. Because a lot of times, men read this as more work to do or more hoops to jump through.
Actually, your biggest problem right now is one of perceptions. Right now, he’s toying with the idea that he might be better off with you than without you. And it is possible that he wants this break because, in his opinion, things cannot change, at least not in a significant and lasting way. So you have two obstacles. You want to show him that he is not better off without you. And you want to show him that things can change. These two things may seem like a tall order, but fortunately, they are very similar and the things that can help one can also help the other.
Now, notice that I said that you must correct these perceptions in a positive way. This is very important. It is just human nature (especially for men) to avoid or leave things that come to them negatively. Yes, women feel that this is passive aggressive. But, it is a reality that we must face. You will get much better results and have a much easier time if you focus and build on the positive rather than the negative. Focus on what’s right and what you can use to bring them closer together.
Yes, being apart is scary and probably not what you wanted, but if you let fear lead to negativity, you’ll only highlight what he’s already focusing on. Instead, you want him to focus on what’s good about you and what draws him to you. And there’s nothing wrong with improving your relationship, no matter what the outcome is. He is a very important person in your life and no matter what happens, you must want this relationship to be positive. This is not as desperate as you may think, because you already know what he loves about you.
So, these are precisely the things you want to show him right now. You want him to see that the happy, busy, dynamic, exciting woman he fell in love with and was afraid of is long gone. Yes, this can be difficult when your heart is breaking, but you need to do it for both your benefit and the benefit of the relationship.
Step number three: move slowly and let him come to you when he can:Honestly, the kind of progress you’re looking for probably won’t happen overnight. And, you can’t come too hard or else you can scare him. Continue to show him (or let him slip) that you’re moving forward with the best version of yourself. Stay busy and continue to be positive. This will often increase their interest. When this happens, start letting him take the lead. As I said, things that are scarce seem to be much more attractive and desirable than things that are too abundant. This is a seemingly simple concept but it is much more difficult to carry out. However, if you play it right, it works most of the time, in my experience.