Even as a Life Coach, I have my challenges with my three teenagers. Talking and having regular conversations is the key element to successful parenting. Just this morning when I had the same stuck state with my youngest daughter, who is now 14 years old, I tried to stay as calm as possible. I was sorry how I got to this stagnant state. He seemed to be letting off steam about how irritating she was. When I asked her what the irritating part was, she couldn’t relate to the particular incidents.
She shared that when she talked to me, she felt that I thought she was a waste of time and would walk away. It is very interesting to hear how he perceives what I do. I walk away thinking that she didn’t need an answer from me and also when I hear her angry tone of voice. I didn’t want to stay in that energy and cause myself to get angry. We talked about her facial expressions and tone of voice. She felt that she was not angry. So we had a different perception and perspective. The good thing was that we were saying what we thought.
Ultimately, what she wanted from me was to empathize by saying “Relax…relax, every time she complains about something or is stressed.” All she wanted is for him to listen and comfort her! That was a revelation, a reminder not to be upset by her tone of voice or her venting. Don’t think that she wants a solution. That was a mini reveal.
Understanding each other
I told him that it is very important to continue having a dialogue like this so that we understand each other better. We have ups and downs, and there is no warning. We talked a bit about my menopause and its hormonal changes. How these changes in our bodies can wreak havoc on our moods. The most important thing is to go back to basics. Just exercise and let the hormones balance. The other important thing is to forgive and let go of our past stories so we don’t fall for the drama.
The ups and downs are part of the journey and this is how we change, learn and grow. By continuing to talk, having dialogues like this, that’s the secret to successful parent-teen relationships. Relationships are developed through the effort we put into our communications. Understand what everyone is thinking.
Do not take your work paper home
she said, “There is no such thing as a perfect parent.” I totally agreed with her. She added: “I just want you to be a normal parent.” She was asking me what is a normal father. She then she said: “Just like when you are a director, when you go home don’t become a director, so strict with your children.” Say oh! I have it. She said, “Don’t bring your coach thing home.” We just don’t want to hear you training us. Thanks for reminding me!
I shared with her that I am so proud of her, noting how she has checklists for her to-do list. How she kept her word. I like when she talks calmly. The ending was sweet. She fried tortilla for me. My response to her was that this small gesture showed that she cares about me and I am so grateful, I love it. Time to celebrate.