“The 2018 Nobel Peace Prize goes to Dr. Thomas Mallory for his pioneering changes in languages.” Dr. Mallory rose from his seat at his table in Stockholm to receive a diploma, a medal, and a document confirming the undisclosed award amount. As he walked to the podium, he recalled his heartbreaking childhood where his dream began and how he arrived at this momentous occasion.
From the time he was very young, Tom grew weary of people swearing and cursing. Growing up in a Bronx apartment in New York City, he frequently heard his parents yelling at each other in obscene language. Outside, he often heard gangs infiltrating the streets with the same language. Tom sat on his bed while the world seemed to verbally fight each other. So many four letter words being used constantly. He didn’t know why he disliked that language. Instead, he immersed himself in books, all kinds of books. what most interested him were science books, especially chemistry.
He graduated from high school and four years later from college. There he took as many foreign language courses as he could, combined with science classes. Tom then spent 7 years attending medical school and graduated as “Dr. Mallory”. He decided to specialize in “ENT”: ear, nose and throat.
Although he was successful in his career, he never forgot the poor conditions from which he came. Tom couldn’t get the swearing and cursing out of his head.
One of the many books he had read earlier in his life was the Holy Bible. An account from the first book of the Bible, Genesis, describes the Tower of Babel, when most of the world came together to build the tallest monument that would reach the heavens. The Lord of Creation was not happy with anyone trying to be equal to him, so he made the people of Babel speak different languages so that they could not understand each other.
This event inspired Tom to decide to specialize in ENT. He wondered how the language could be changed over a period of many centuries and experimented with changing letters to other letters. He compiled all the words used to curse in English and changed them using algorithms on his computer. The process was hard work and it took years before I had a ready-to-use product for the general public.
At the ceremony in Stockholm, as Tom took the stage, he thanked the organizers of the Nobel Peace Prize who chose him for his achievement. At the same time, a screen descended from the ceiling and a video began to operate.
“The world is full of people who use profanity. In the United States, it’s called cursing or swearing. Would a country be more peaceful if people stopped insulting others?”
He turned on the video and let it play. A car collides with another vehicle from behind. Drivers get out and strike up a tough conversation. Anger grew and they began to yell at each other, cursing each other. The video camera operator approached them and sprayed the space between them with a mist. Within seconds, the harsh language they were throwing at each other changed:
“You hit my car, silly!” The other man looked at him confused. “What the hell did I tell you sening?” “I don’t care, son of a rose! … Wait! … What did I just tell you?” “What the hell?”
The video stopped and Dr. Mallory looked at the audience. He took out a vial with some liquid and sprayed it into his mouth. Then the good doctor waited a few seconds. Then he opened his mouth and said, “Bam, bit dot, bot, dash, rose, sen, cat.” There! I just cursed everyone. I did my best to use the original curse words, but the fog I absorbed forced me to say the words you just heard. “
Many people in the audience looked at each other in amazement.
“This is my proprietary product. I hope that everyone will use it to bend verbal violence. Although it is not available in non-English speaking countries, I hope I can enlist the directors of other countries to adapt this formula to other languages. Thanks for your attention.”
The audience cheered when Tom Mallory left. As he made his way to his table where friends and colleagues were sitting, he sprayed the air with his product. One of them said, “Good job, son of pink! Nice bot presentation!”