An important but seldom described technique for getting a publisher’s attention is to submit something so amazing, original, and amazing that your submission doesn’t immediately go into the reject bin. This originality and cause for interest, not to say awe, can take many forms. For example, you can take the Monty Python approach of including a stuffed parrot with your presentation. I imagine this can’t be done very often and is probably a one time solution. Here I would like to suggest the use of a much more general method that involves an unexpected stylistic plot.
Suppose you are writing fiction. Instead of adopting the normal semi-poetic mode, by which I mean: “The moon descended slowly with chastened loveliness: she departed like a sweet bride to her room, and long shadows like veins slid across the sky through which the stars peered.” shyly”. out… blah blah… the trembling footsteps of dawn rushed over the newborn blue and shook the lofty stars from their places… etc.”, one might adopt the strict factual style of scientific writing. I’ve written too many scientific papers, I’m expert enough to help you on this. An example is best. I recently published an article on ezines called ‘Getting Published’. Now I want to rewrite some of this in scientific style. I think it would make any editor sit down and think. First I put the original in quotation marks. Then I translate it into prose that is designed to scare an editor into reading further.
The original:
“I have a surefire way to get a publisher to seriously review your work, the essential first step in getting it published. I discovered it very recently. An American friend, another writer, sent it to me. He described it as follows.”
New version:
1. Introduction.
It is a primary goal of modern authors to find channels through which their work can be published (1). This process has long been the goal of workers in the field (2,3), but until recently very few effective methods were available (4). Here we present a new method that shows considerable promise and derives from a very recently published report by one of the leading researchers in the field (5). The method is described in the following scheme. A more detailed paper will be presented in due course, describing several additional experiments whose results are currently being analysed. The purpose of this article is only to establish the bases of the new technique. [Note to the reader: the numbers in brackets are references to the work of others, to be placed at the very end of the article. I have not included these but a typical example would be reference 5 which reads Clausewitz C.V., Zangwill Z. A. & Orkney. I, Illiterata Acta, 23 (2008) 6411.].
The original article continues:
“It all started like this. Today is Friday, but just Wednesday I was walking with my kids to the big yellow school bus, taking them across the street, when I almost got blown up by a silver Mercedes that flew in front of my nose, stopped sharply and vomited five children. They cost ten cents. “
New version:
2. Experimental Method and Results
It is well known that crossing cities can be a difficult task (6) and it is natural that parents should take care that their children are not exposed to the dangers of modern traffic, even when careful urban planning has been implemented (7,8) . ). Thus, a bus system (9) was inaugurated, derived from social programs implemented for the first time more than fifty years ago (10), through which calves can be transported from point A to point B without danger. Point B is usually the school. However, let’s start at point A. Point A is central to a crucial phase of the new technique in which contact is first established between subject and object. For the rest of this document, the subject, S, will be the individual looking for a publisher and the object, O, will be the publisher. The appendix, A, will denote the object that, by the union of O and A, gave rise to A(i) (i = 1-5), that is, the five children of O and A. A(1) will be in hereafter called C for reasons that will become clear later. At point A, the contact between S and O was produced by the appearance of a large vehicle (Mercedes (11), Model S500, silver color, Year 2007, 4 wheels, one in each corner (12)) containing O, A %2B A(i) (i =1-5). [You may wish to include a diagram of the apparatus at this stage and describe it in a suitable caption. This is of course optional.]
Multi-person transportation has been shown to be an effective means of reducing traffic congestion in cities and has been implemented and applied in many areas with good results in both the United States and Europe (13, 14). The vehicle in question reflected this important trend in modern traffic control and contained, as indicated in part above, eight subjects in total, a driver (not relevant to the present work), O, A, C and A(i) (i=2.5). A(i) (i=1- 5) (or C and A(i) (i=2.5)) were well-functioning examples of joins like that of O and A, as shown by the clothes worn by A(i) (i=1- 5) (Pucci&Pie, Ogle, Shoose (15-17)) and grooming of body hair (Sweeneys (18)).
I suggest we stop for a moment and examine the remains. It’s clear that a five hundred page novel will translate into a thousand page novel plus references, at this rate. Therefore, the next step is to demonstrate how we can reduce the verbosity and translate the rest of the original article into scientific prose while making it much shorter.
The original at this point continued:
“‘They’re new,’ my oldest daughter whispered and looked at the jeans enviously, smoothing her own with one hand. Whether she meant the girls or the jeans, I wasn’t sure. Then the mother got out of the car, very, Very long legs and tans first, a Bermuda tan. And Bermuda is a long way from where we live in Seattle. Maybe it was a Hawaiian tan, but what the heck. etc. etc.
Now, to summarize the rest of the original article: After some inconsequential babbling, the scene changes to S’s house, where S’s oldest daughter, S(1), divulges that O is a publisher. S and hers two daughters S(i) (i = 1,2) discover that S looks remarkably like the best-selling author, H, who is visiting O the next day. C (or A(1)), who is Crispin, the publisher’s eldest son, has invited S(1) to tea. S decides to pass himself off as H, arrives at O’s mansion, delivers her work, S’s, which O thinks is H’s. (Are you with me?). That’s how S gets a publisher to look at her work, posing as famous author H. End of story. A translation into scientific prose follows.
New version:
The next essential step in our new method depends on the relation of S(1), using the same notation as for A and the descendant A(i) but now applied to S, and C (or A(1)). A pairing relationship was established between S(1) and A(1) which became an entry state for S to find O. A necessary complement, which catalyzed the meeting of S and O and greatly lowered the barrier for their interaction, it was the existence of another individual, H. H is known to O by reputation and there are already some properties, needless to specify here, in common between them. S(i) (i=1,2) enacts the importance of similarity in the outward appearance of S and H, allowing S to invoke the powerful technique of symbiotic parallel impersonation (19), known for example from the world of the insects among the so-called Nile Valley Glitter Bug larvae which use crocodile impersonation. The conjunction of S and O is then achieved through the aforementioned relationship of S(1) and C (or A(1)) which gives access to S to O. This allows for the smooth passage of material from S to O , the objective of the described method.
3. Final remarks.
The work reported here has established a new technique for the transfer of material from S to O that might otherwise prove insurmountable. The technique is based on the catalytic action of Si (i=1.2) and the involvement of C and H, both essential elements in the new method. We believe that while special circumstances may be necessary to some extent, the method described here is essentially a very general one that can be applied outside the realm of the publishing world mentioned here and have implications in many other spheres, such as nanotechnology, quantum computing, and others. areas where substantially useful techniques have been elusive for many years.
Well, what do you think? Publishers, like James Bond’s drink, will be shaken but not shaken? Or will they be really impressed? If so, with what? In any case, in the publishing world, desperation is not a word that anyone wants to hear, but desperation, that’s something else.