One of the best lessons a person can learn when it comes to parenting advice relates to the style you choose to raise your child. Parenting methods often vary from parent to parent and can be influenced by outside pressures, social patterns, the way the parent was raised, and even professional recommendations. As you become a parent or look to discover changes in your approach, learn from my mistakes when it comes to parenting and the opportunities you can take to help.
When I was young we still lived in a time when physical punishment was considered an acceptable means of parenting. When we ‘behaved’ everything was fine, but when we ’caused trouble’ we were subject to the wrath of my father’s belt. These days, corporal punishment is frowned upon as parenting advice, whether you’re wearing a parent’s belt or spanking a child’s butt in public. One technique I used, which turned out to be a mistake, involved the ideas of reward and discipline that worked very well when my children were young but lost steam over time.
When you have a young child, they are very susceptible to your influences, which represents the height of your power as a parent. Many mothers or fathers adopt this style of parenting advice as children from an early age respond very positively to this method. When a child looks for the opportunity for a reward, he’ll do whatever you want to get that treasured item, whether it’s a toy, a treat, or something as simple as spending time in front of the TV. Discipline can also be affective as it represents a form of fear instituted to change behavior or stop a child’s actions.
As the child grows older, parental power begins to weaken, which will often result in a decreased effectiveness of parental reward and discipline advice. Children become independent and self-reliant, which means there are only a few rewards you can offer for a different action or attitude. Discipline ideas are now mocked as a tool of the youth that they no longer fear. Although most parents will punish more severely because they feel hopeless and have no choice, doing so will only increase the gap between parent and child. Independence becomes attractive, and ideas like rewards and discipline only drive a gap between parent and child. Additionally, maintaining a system of power (using rewards and/or punishment) will keep children dependent and/or in a continual state of fear. In retrospect, it doesn’t seem very sensible or logical to have used a system like that!
The reality is that if you’re embracing parenting advice like me, which only works for the middle of your child’s youth, it may be advice to avoid. I now realize how many negative problems are associated with using a power system. There are many, many more downsides than I can explain in this short article. My son is now a father and I have encouraged him to avoid my mistakes and seek quality advice from professionals like Laura Fobler. I have read much of his work and have strongly encouraged my children to embrace parenting ideas that create quality results rather than parenting controversy.