We live in an increasingly mobile society. Marriages “till death do us part” are becoming rare. Many of us can no longer depend on our extended families for social support. So where do we turn to fill in the gaps? Our friends. And, for busy professionals, work is often where our friends are.
Sometimes we meet friends at work, befriending the boss, a coworker, or an employee. Sometimes we hire our friends at our workplaces. Sometimes we do business with our friends. In either case, adding a layer of friendship to a business relationship can bring both benefits and the possibility of disaster.
Friends from work are easily accessible. Together for long periods of time, we often share interests, experiences, a professional identity, and a common history. These friends can listen, comfort, advise, teach, share, and support. Therefore, a friendship in the workplace can often give you a better understanding of your world and yourself.
Whether the friend is one you hired in the workplace or one you put on the job, friendship often leads to team strength, more efficient decision-making, and effective conflict management. For women especially, friendship can create a supportive company culture that discourages political behavior and promotes openness, self-disclosure, communication, tolerance, and cooperation. Friendship can bring participation and engagement in the workplace that might not otherwise exist.
Ultimately, good working relationships and good friendships are characterized by shared goals and close contact. So friendship, which is usually associated with similarity of values, is a great foundation for workplace connections and joint decision-making.
On the other hand, a friendship in the workplace can be detrimental to a career. Intimate sharing and over-disclosure to a coworker can come back and bite you in the nose. Likewise, making decisions based on friendship, ignoring what is best for the business or your career, can be professional suicide. And, a sour friendship can spill over into the workplace, interrupting and distracting.
Friends who are highly involved with each other on and off the job often have a more trusting relationship. But this close involvement can also invite severe interpersonal conflict that brings the potential to bring about an unpleasant end to the relationship or provide significant self-awareness; it can go in any direction.
Entrepreneurs tend to find friends and business partners at work. You most likely go to a friend from work first when you want to start a new business, since you already have a working relationship. However, business ownership usually causes a change in a friendship, and this change can be positive or negative.
Friendship can help you or your business partner stay connected to your business. Women, especially, may stay involved, passing up more attractive opportunities because of the bonds of friendship.
Starting with a higher level of friendship typically leads a company’s founding team to rely more on implied agreements and less on written contracts. Therefore, difficult problems can be avoided and only addressed when the team has started to encounter operational problems. Of course, it’s best to discuss these issues while the partners are still within the window of enthusiasm for adventure and work friendship. However, often no one wants to shake up the honeymoon.
Strong relationships, partnerships, and friendships benefit from honest and open communication. Is there a discussion that you have been avoiding? Is your connection to the friend, business partner or coworker strong enough to get you through a difficult conversation? If not, the relationship may not be worth maintaining. But, if so, here are six tips for keeping your bonds strong even when it’s time to put your cards on the table.
1. Get ready. Take notes about the situation and your feelings. Write about where you are, where you want to be, and how you could get there.
2. Set the stage. Sit down at a time when you both have a clear head and can give this important conversation the time and energy it deserves.
3. Speak from the heart. Don’t point the finger of blame. Instead, focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. This is collaboration.
4. Give yourself time to think, process the information, and calm down.
5. Don’t leave conflicts unresolved. An agreement to disagree is a resolution. Leaving the conflict open prepares you for future fights.
6. If all else fails, hire a professional to help you. Often an outside opinion sheds light on your blind spots and helps you come to an agreement.