Often that’s my first reaction when I open the daily calendar section in the Los Angeles Times in the early dark hours of each morning. This Monday morning’s edition was no exception. Matea Gold reports that celebrities are taking their selfish tirades to each other on the public stage and are often mourning the day they discovered Twitter. We no longer need the paparazzi to hide in the bushes in hopes of getting a celebrity self-sabotage photo. Superstars and those seeking stardom have now cut out the middle man and publicize their own wrong emotional reactions to the events of their daily life. And they’re getting pretty good at self-destructing at 140 characters or less!
The latest celebrity feud to emerge from the Twittersphere is the battle between Perez Hilton and Demi Moore. The two are fighting on Twitter over two Hilton posts about Tallulah Willis’s wardrobe. Pérez believes it is inappropriate for a 15-year-old and showed photos to illustrate his point. Moore came out vigorously in defense of her daughter claiming that Perez is violating child pornography laws. Perez attacks Moore personally with a spike about menopause and Moore again pressures Hilton for his inappropriate exploitation of underage tushies who threaten legal action. The dispute continues from there. The article sheds light on other outbursts on the Twitter stage by Kirstie Alley, Ryan Seacrest, Mark Cuban and others.
What makes it an entertainment today, whether it’s in the LA Times, Twitter, TMZ, Access Hollywood, or any other outlet that follows the lives of celebrities, is often a spotlight on a bad-acting star. If the behavior leads to a personal train accident, all the better. Why is that? Why do stars perform publicly and why does the public love to see it? Why do they jeopardize their public image with these public outbursts and tantrums?
Self-destructive behavior of any kind on the part of any person is rooted in the ego defending itself against the threat, usually based on some kind of feeling of being a victim, of being “less than.” Perez Hilton has the power to publicly shame and humiliate celebrities because these same celebrities, including Demi Moore, and the general public gave it to him. Moore added strength to Perez’s power by giving his Tweet more energy and distribution with his reply saying that he does not take violation of child pornography laws very seriously. Pérez responds to this by attacking with a personal insult.
Events in themselves have no power. A tushie shot is a tushie shot. Period. What a person has to signify an event is what fuels the reaction, which will result in a good or bad outcome. Having a photo of tushie in a public place means that Perez Hilton supports child pornography that is Moore’s creation. Perez, having Moore’s answer, means that she is menopausal, needs medication, and the parenting lessons are of her own making. Neither of these meanings is true. These attached meanings and assumptions that are given to events are the ego’s fabrication to feel better, to feel less victimized.
The truth is that you are not a victim of anyone or anything unless you allow yourself to. If Demi saw her daughter’s photo as just a shot of another girl in shorts instead of child pornography involving her daughter, there would be no power in Hilton’s Tweet. If Demi didn’t like Tallulah’s butt hanging out of her shorts, she could have broached the wardrobe issue with her daughter, in private. Instead, there are now threats of a lawsuit that will also bring more force, energy and attention to the story and continued publication of the young tushie.
If Perez took Demi’s reaction to the Tweet as that of a protective parent rather than a personal accusation that he is a child pornographer, his ego would not personally attack Demi Moore to hurt or embarrass her rather than having something to do with the photo. per se. . There would be no pending trial, no more energy would be given to the dispute. That would also mean Perez would pass up the opportunity to involve a celebrity in a public fight that only he can win. Whether Pérez is right or not is irrelevant. Your audience, your audience, will grow no matter the outcome. Pérez wins because the ego of the public loves to see rich and famous celebrities act bad to feed their own egos, feelings of inferiority and increase their own self-esteem. “Look, these superstar people are no better than me!”
The moment you believe that something or something (the economy, the glass ceiling, etc.) has power over you, you become its victim. Very often, people are victims of their own ego, their own inner critic. Guess what, your inner critic is lying! When you have that inner feeling of fear, panic, boiling blood and you react from that state, you should know that you are following the example of your frightened inner critic who is wrongly fighting for your own sense of self-worth. When you are criticizing someone or judging (telling others what to do or be this or that), your ego has your power. You are no longer in control. As long as you act in the state of an empowered ego, you will not achieve the result you want. All you can do is add ‘evidence’ to support your feelings of victimization.
A teenage butt peeking out of shorts on a public street is not child pornography, and Moore’s reaction is not the result of hormonal imbalance or poor parenting. What is being fought is a lot of things invented by the same people who are fighting in the public arena.
To turn self-destructive behavior into life-affirming behavior, just wake up! Wake up to how you feel. Your emotions are indicators of whether you are listening to that higher power within you, what I jokingly call the Inner Magician, or that scared four-year-old, the Inner Critic, who is having a tantrum. At that time, carefully monitor your thoughts. Are you giving up your power, allowing yourself to become a victim of the incident? If so, find a new perspective. Take action that results in what you want to achieve, no more hyped daughter tushies, rather than what you don’t want to achieve, more daughter breech shots spread across even more media.
And for those who salivate over celebrity self-sabotage, take note of what the public outbursts mean about you. If you feel better about yourself, more superior, as a result of someone else’s bad behavior, you should know that you have given your power of personal self-esteem to the celebrity and to those who denounce the irrational antics of these stars.