The best way for a woman to decode her orgasm is by knowing her own body. Self-pleasure (commonly called “masturbation”) is a way to find a deeper connection with your own life force energy, which is the power of creation that flows through all of life. It can even be a spiritual practice when done with presence, awe, and reverence. Through self-pleasure, a woman can learn to expand her awareness and capacity for Bliss.
Personal pleasure gives you time to discover what excites you without worrying about pleasing your partner. You have the opportunity to experiment with different types of touch, pressure, speed and find new erogenous zones. I recommend pleasuring yourself several times this week. Take your time and connect deeply with yourself. Let the inner wisdom of your body guide you. As you touch yourself, be present where the energy flows. Let your sessions be an adventure of self-discovery.
See if any resistance arises around self-pleasure. If so, ask yourself these questions: What is my relationship to pleasure? Do I make time for it in my life? How often? Do I find reasons not to give myself pleasure? If you are in the habit of limiting the amount of pleasure in your life, explore your old beliefs about pleasure, sex, and masturbation. You may harbor sexual guilt or shame. You may feel like spending time on yourself is wasteful or selfish. Now is a good time to reframe those beliefs by repeating them in ways that are positive for sex and pleasure.
Once you’ve explored the nuances of pleasuring yourself and feel confident in your ability to orgasm, you may want to share this wisdom with your lover. Learning to share how you like to be loved is a great way to deepen intimacy with your partner and increases the likelihood that you will be touched in the way that most excites and satisfies you. This requires an important communication skill, called “3-part communication”.
1) Recognize the person for something they are doing well: “I love it when you touch me back.” or “Thank you for being willing to spend this time with me.”
2) Ask for what you want: “What would feel better right now is for you to touch me even more slowly.”
3) Appreciate and acknowledge the change: “Oh yeah. That feels so good! You’re doing it right.” This communication style will dramatically increase the likelihood that you will be touched in a way that pleases you and makes your lover feel good too.
As you take personal responsibility for having your wishes come true, you will want to shed old beliefs that no longer serve you, such as “It is my lover’s job to magically find out what turns me on.” These types of ideas lead to feeling hurt and / or disappointed. Instead, acknowledge that you are the generator of your orgasms. By learning what turns you on and asking for what makes you feel good in the moment, you can expand your capacity for ecstasy.
Learning to decode your orgasm through the practice of self-pleasure and learning to express your sexual desires adds a whole new dimension to your lovemaking. It is a great way to increase your awareness of yourself and expand your capacity for Bliss. You can also add juice to a new or ongoing sexual relationship. Enjoy!