I wake up from a night of fitful sleep, happy that it’s time to get up and start my day. While I’m still half awake, I go into my dreams to see if there’s anything important there, but the dreamscape is silent. The last few nights I’ve been working on my dreams a lot, getting downloads of unconditional love, so I guess it’s okay to have a dreamless night! Still, I feel a little disappointed because I have nothing to reflect on.
Some mornings I slip straight into meditation in my comfortable bed, but this morning I remember that my guides have been telling me to meditate outdoors, to be more deeply in touch with nature. I go out to the pomegranate and get on the yoga mat with my blanket and drop down. It feels good to hear the birds singing, and I listen to the hummingbirds chasing each other and drinking their morning nectar for a moment before I start my solo practice hour.
I start with the breath of fire, waking up and fueling my inner fire with short, sharp breaths. As I do the practice, I wake up and begin to feel the life force flowing through my body, opening the same channels through which sexual energy flows. I start to feel warm and remove the blanket. As I continue to breathe, a smile begins to appear on my face and happiness fills my stomach. Ahhhh. I feel a deep inner stillness in the center of my belly, surrounded by a soft warm flame. I feel good.
After the breath of fire, I work with my chakras, breathing into each one and clearing them. Ahhh, this feels good too, like taking my morning shower. my physical and emotional body begins to feel clear, clean and open. I give thanks then, gratitude for everything that the day before gave me joy. And I spend a few more minutes sitting still, listening to what the Spirit wants to say to me today. I also register to see what I need to know for my clients today. What will they need? I usually give my body a little taste of one of the things they need most, a guide to their healing session.
Now is the time for the day to unfold. I get dressed, take a shower and head to the temple. Once there, I prepare the space. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, beautifying the space, burning incense and sage, lighting candles, playing soft music. I’m ready to start.
My first client arrives and we work on some challenges that are developing in their relationships. She wants to learn to focus more on herself, find her power as a woman, and connect with her own sexual self. I spend an hour listening deeply to her, channeling information from my guides, and teaching her the practice. Today we work with movement, because she is ready to let go! We dance and breathe and learn to do a deep cleansing of each chakra center with breath and movement. She allows herself to move her body and lets out deep sounds of anger that she didn’t even know was stored inside her. Afterwards she feels energized and relieved. I send her home with some music to use in her daily practice.
Now it’s time to take care of business, and I focus on the mundane while answering emails, taking phone calls, editing the website, and many other mundane tasks. It helps me balance spending this time, and instead of feeling resentful about it, I’m grateful for the variety in my day.
I take a nice long break at lunch to take care of my body, because for me a big part of tantra practice is taking care of myself. Today I go to yoga class and eat nutritious food to replenish myself in the afternoon and evening.
Now the day changes and becomes more intense. I have a red session today: deep and powerful practical work. I will use my (and my client’s) sexual/life force energy to open up, to heal old shame and guilt, to allow more freedom and ecstasy in sexual connection. This work often follows for my clients after intensive breath study. and meditation and movement practice.
I take an hour to prepare the room, lighting candles and incense. I put sheets on the bed and call in my animal guide allies to hold the space. When I call Black Jaguar, I hear and feel a loud purr, and I know that it will be a delicious and powerful session, that there will be deep pleasure and opening.
Once my client arrives, we spend 3 hours experimenting with the tantric touch. I begin by listening to him share how the work has integrated since our last session, a lingam massage. He is excited to learn how to move sexual energy through his entire body and begin having full body orgasms in his own pleasure practice. Anchored in himself, today he is eager to learn more about how to share this larger sexual energy/heart/spirit with a woman.
We begin with meditation, imagining that we are trees, rooted in the Earth and branching out in the stars and the sun. Once we feel strong and loved by the Divine, we begin to intentionally connect, bringing our roots together and interweaving our branches like trees do in the forest. We see vines growing from our hearts, connecting and intertwining us with love beginning to flow back and forth. As we undress, we flow into touch and breath and how to work them together, stay present, and bring diversity to the ways we connect and touch. I show her how to create safety with the touch of the Earth, and I get carried away by the feeling that she gives it to me. He feels the joy of being totally received by a woman as a man.
We move into water, full loving touch, then fire, deep sexual passion, and out into the air, tingling and vibrating with all this blissful energy. We continue to experiment as you find a way to give something as wonderful as receiving. Time seems to dissolve as we both push the envelope of the happiness barrier, looking for the place where we can allow ourselves to be bigger and finding the obstacles that prevent us from receiving pleasure. We feel pleasure deep in our bodies, and I still hear the voice of Spirit speaking to me softly and calmly, helping me to track her energy and her needs in the moment, helping me to be her guide on this blissful ecstatic journey.
My guide allows me to have space for him and give him all the unconditional love in my heart. In the light of that unconditional love, he melts and his heart opens in blazing fire, aligned with his body, his lingam, and his Spirit. He tells me that he feels like an eagle, flying over the earth and seeing his whole life and all his relationships in perspective for the first time.
We come back down to earth at the end with berries, chocolate, cheese, and crackers, enjoying what feels like the afterglow of sex, even though we haven’t actually made love. I feel how big my energy body feels and see how much his face and his eyes have changed since he walked in. He tells me how profoundly the session has changed his perception of her, and she promises to call in a week to share how he’s fitting into her life.
I say goodbye to my client and think again about my personal care. I have learned that this job requires a lot of that! I take a shower to ground myself, wise to bless the space and the work. I go for a walk, like. I give thanks for the beauty and healing power of this work and notice how connected I feel to the trees and birds in the park. Life is good and my heart is full of love and joy.